I don't know who I am

Nowadays, I attend some networking events and I start to get used to with people saying like these:
- I'm A, I'm a designer
- I'm B, I'm an artist
- My name is D, I'm a business consultant
- lalalala

Me:
Hello, I'm Widy. Yes, I'm that Widy Dinarti
or
Hello, I'm Widy. Do you know Widy Dinarti? That's me.

hahaha I wish I could say like that!
full stop. no more explanation, because people have already know what is Widy Dinarti.

picture taken from http://lifedocument.wordpress.com/2011/11/16/who-am-i/

well to be honest, I don't know who I am. I'm no longer know who am I and what do I want to do in my life.

Previously, I am very sure who I am and what do I want to do in my life. At first off this phase, I was so scared, but then I realize that actually this is a normal phase in a human being. I saw that many of my colleague and friends have this kind of phase in the past. Maybe I'm just a little bit too late to experience it ;p well better late than nothing, no? :D Yeah, I'm guessing it's because I just move to a new environment. I recognize that I have sort of this feeling every time I move to a new place, but not as different as this one. This is my first time that I'm living by my own. No genetic family, no close friends, no AIESEC (which is the most difficult one), new language, new work place, new job, new currency, and everything is completely new.

Something that I know for sure is I'm pretty comfortable with myself now. Even though I don't know who I am and what do I want to do, I'm really enjoy and happy with my current state.

To be honest, now I'm not comfortable to put any label or title to myself. Because for me, labeling myself means that I have a responsible to make sure that I'm doing something that explain the label well. Yeah, I recognize that my reason sounds like irresponsible. Well, now I'm in the exploring phase of my adventurous life. I just simply want to know how it is like being a human being. I want to enjoy my life, know more about who is actually this living being. Since I feel that my body, my mind and my soul are just scattered to different direction. I really want to know what actually my interest and my purpose of life. Since I start to recognize what previously I am, my interest, my life call or whatsoever are the things that my society tried to construct me.

How about you? Who are you?

I don't (feel) belong to any country

Lately, I got these type of questions that somehow difficult for me to answer..

Which country that are you belong?

First, I don't understand the meaning of the question :D

• are they trying to ask which country that I feel belong?
• or, are they trying to ask which is my favorite country?
• or, are they trying to ask which country that I will support if there is a world war?
• or, are they trying to ask what is my nationality?

Second, I don't know what happened with me, but to be honest, I don't feel that I belong to any country. 

I can say that I was born and raised in Indonesia

I can say that both my parents are Indonesian and the whole of my genetic family are living and staying in Indonesia

I can say that my nationality is Indonesian

but, I don't feel comfortable to describe myself as Indonesian and at some point I feel more Javanese than Indonesian even though my ancestors are from South Asia and South China and I've been raised by a mixture of Islam culture that acculturated to Javanese culture or Indonesian culture or whatsoever culture is and don't forget the media which has so strong power of influence :D  

but yeah, I have to admit that it's way easier to say "I'm Widy from Indonesia" when I introduced myself :p

image taken from Dmitry Dimitriev cover picture

 

well, my point is, if this situation happen to you,  it's okay if you feel so :)

it is normal to feel that way :)

I believe that there are lot of people have the feeling like this. well at least me :p

ha! now, I think my Nationalism, Globalism, and Cosmopolitanism class that I took several years ago does make sense :D I wish I paid more attention on that class (^o^")