I AM SO BORED!!!
This is so boring!!
and I don't know why :( :( :( :(
for the first time in my life, I'm hoping that I will get fired so that I will have excuse to leave this path and start another path :( but will I be happy if I get fired?
will I feel ashamed if I get fired? well well, we shouldn't think what people might think about us. this is our life, we shouldn't let others do any projection into your life.
oh my.. I don't even know why should I talk here? why don't I talk with somebody personally? but who is that somebody? and will that somebody give a helpful suggestion?
OMG! This is so boring!
anyway, for many times in my life, I always get bored with something. why is it so easy for me to get bored? I really get bored easily with everything (=__=!) I still remember about:
- when I was kid, like still in the nursery school, I used to join my aunties to visit my relatives and have sleep over time there. why? I don't know. maybe I'm bored with my parent's house.
- I start to sleep over in my friend's house since I was 2nd grade of primary school. why? I don't know. maybe it's fun to feel belong to other families.
- I didn't continue my electone music class, why? hmmm actually I'm kinda like it, but I don't know why I should do that. and to be honest, actually I had 2 stupid reasons for quitting the class. It was because I was afraid with the teacher who has different religion with my family and I've been told that the particular religion is our enemy (=___=!) Another thing, it was because the majority of the class are from different ethnic group with me, and I've been told that the particular ethnic group treats my ethnic group badly (=___=!) aahhh what a poor innocent kid I used to be (=___=!)
- I stop my painting class when I was 9, just because it has the same schedule with The Turbo Ranger time. I still remember, it was every Wednesday 4 PM GMT+7
- Recently, I stop my Kathak Dance class, because I get bored with it :( if I have to find excuses, it will be: the movement is too slow, the music is not rhythmic enough for me, I don't like routine. If I have to dance, I want something that jumping around :D well well.. anyway, I remember that those are the same excuse that I gave for the previous Indonesian classic dance that I took (=__=!)
- Not only that, I also get bored easily with relationship. I think one of the reason why do I like to maintain friendship with many people and I can't belong to any gank or chic group is because I can't spend my time with the same group or people all the time.
- Talking about more serious one. To be honest, I also get bored easily with boys (=__=!) Once they want to have more serious relationship, the more I want to avoid them and bailed out of the commitment. In short, once I got them, I start to plan out the strategy how to break the relationship. oh my! am I in a trouble?
I think the longest commitment that I have ever made in my life was with my activities with the community behind my parent's house (4-5 years, stopped because I'm afraid with the boys), the Girl Scout (7 years, stopped because I don't like the attitude of the leaders), Junior Achievement (about 3 years and counting) and AIESEC (5 years and counting). Why? I think I should find the reason behind it to make my life not just about surviving.
hmmm... why? why? why? maybe...
- I feel that I have responsibilities
- I have the ownership of what I'm doing
- I understand the reason behind why I'm doing it
- I have a lot of space to put my idea into actions
- I believe in the organization and the activities that I'm doing is leading into something
- No one told me what I have to do, or if there is somebody told me what to do, I understand why do I have to do it
- I can see that I make progress on something that I'm doing
- I'm living in my dream, I know that what I do will make a change
- I feel that I have power and ability to do something
hmmm.. actually, I knew the reason why do I get bored here. After do some exercise in Business Model You book, I understood why do I feel uncomfortable and not alive these days (oh well.. these months). It is because my current working environment locus of area is contradictive with my locus area then my current key activities are not align with the things that I want to do.
In short: I AM TOTALLY LIVING OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE.
which actually good! I have a lot of opportunities to get improved :)
hmm. I thought living outside comfort zone won't be boring. I thought it will be exciting. I feel like something wrong here! what-to-do?
well, so far.. before I'm able to make the change of my key activities, this is something that keep me alive, a tweet from one of my best friends few days ago:
for whatever hard it is, however tough it is, get up and walk ahead! :)
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| copyright: Maria Bernadet K.D., 2012 |
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